Que Sera Sera

Well, I have been home for one day, and, all I can say is "Que Sera Sera". I still can't cry or be mad or have any other emotion other than whatever will be, will be...

Strange? Perhaps, but, I've suffered deeper heartache than this in my past including having a true love commit suicide. I guess it's just all a matter of perspective. I guess somewhere deep down I knew it wasn't going work out - it's the only thing I can offer as an explanation as to why I'm not balling my eyes out right now.

As far as the guy the "other guy" (remember the one who I just wasn't into before and I let go just before flying off to Europe?) He's back and he still does not get it. I'm still just not into him, I doubt I will ever be into it, and, he continues to pursue me. I don't need this right now, but, still can't be mean or cruel to him.

Ok, I know, I know - I should consider myself extremely fortunate that I have a guy like that after me, especially since there are women out there who can't get a date with anyone. And, I should be grateful that I am lucky in the dating department that getting a date has never been a problem for me. However, it wouldn't be fair to me or the guy chasing me to lead him on and allow him to think he has a chance at a long term relationship with me. The chemistry just isn't there for me. I'm sorry if that sounds cruel and cold to some, but, if it isn't there, it isn't there. It's that simple.

Right now, all I want to do is get rid of this terrible cold. Get back to work and resume a more normal routine. I will continue to date when asked out, and, in the meantime, I will fall back on my friends as per usual in these cases.

I'm just not that into HIM

For a while now there has been a phrase in use that goes along the lines "He's just not that into you." Meaning that a man just doesn't have as much interest in a woman as she has in him. Often times, women find themselves making excuses for why a man she really likes hasn't called or asked her on another date.

The twist in my life? What if I'm just not into HIM? For the past several months I've been seeing a man, who, well, just isn't my type. I think he is wonderful as a friend, and, would hate to lose his friendship, but, there are so many turn offs about a romance with him. I'm just not that into him.

The problem is that I keep telling this guy that I'm not interested in getting romantically involved with him, and, yet, he keeps pursuing me. I've told him point blank that our ideas, tastes, and, other important factors are too far apart for this to work for me.

Twice already I've tried to break up with him in our "relationship" that has developed only in his mind. Twice he has come back insisting that I will change my mind.

I guess I'm to blame a bit too. I'm not as strong or as insistent as I should be with this man, but, I've never been good at breaking up. I'm far too concerned about hurting the other person's feelings, and, so I continue to hurt myself by allowing this to go on.

However, I've met someone new, and, albeit, it's going to be months before I see this man again (I live in New York and this new man lives in Europe), we have been in communication, and, opening up to each other via telephone conversations and emails on a daily basis and communicating several times a day.

So, now the problem is how do I tell my "clinger-on" guy that I am interested in someone else without crushing this guy who is already vulnerable and currently in a rehab program for an addiction?

There is no question that my new gentleman friend is a much better fit for me, and, there is no question (even if the new guy doesn't work out) that the man I am not into just isn't right for me. Meaning, I was trying to break up with this guy even before this new guy entered my life. And, I don't want to do something cruel like have him "catch" me with the new guy, and, I do truly want to let him down as easy as possible. Having been on the flip side of this situation (me liking someone who didn't feel the same towards me), I know how hard it's going to be for him to accept it.

I will keep you posted how things develop. Wish me luck.